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Blue Balls NYCFC
Official Unofficial NYCFC soccer pod
Category: Professional
Followers (11)
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by Blue Balls ...
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May 23, 2019 06:28 AM PDT

Salutations and salvations, Blue Ballers! This week in a not-quite-flash episode Trey and Jake do a roster rundown of all the major names in NYCFC’s highly heartening 2-0 away win against the LA Zlatans. We cover Maxi, Heber, Treats & Keats, and of course the choke heard round the world. Then: national team news, soccer across the pond, end-career Titans, and a brief Chicago precap. You’re gonna want boxers, not briefs: you’ve got Blue Balls.

May 10, 2019 03:23 PM PDT

Hello hello mes petits choux, and welcome to our first special episode of Season Five!

We are more than lucky and deserving to have on the pod Dan Kennedy, MLS veteran goalkeeper and all around good dude.

Dan joins Trey to discuss his career arc from Chivas USA to FC Dallas to the LA Galaxy, the current status of the LA Galaxy and what NYCFC fans should expect this weekend, and what Sean Johnson has in common with ketchup.

Special thanks to Dan Kennedy for spending his time with us, and the Bleav podcast network!
Get ready for a dispersal draft, cause you've got Blue Balls.

May 09, 2019 05:50 PM PDT

Ahoy-hoy bb’ers and welcome to another week of Blue Balls. Jake and Trey burn through several Svedka-fueled hot takes and cold shoulders, recalling Dome’s star turn in the Montreal match as well as Champions league shenanigans and the loss of the loosest lips in the locker room to Colorado. Plus: USWNT rapid fire roster talk, and a LA precap upcoming later this week. Don’t sneeze so hard - you’ve got Blue Balls!

April 30, 2019 12:58 PM PDT

Or "in which our heroes refuse to forget that until recently we had won three games in five months of play."

Welcome back to hog heaven, Blue Ballers, as NYCFC reclaims their rightful mantle as scariest team in the east, taking 7 points in 7 days and only by the capriciousness of God losing out on those final two agains Orlando. Or, maybe not.

Jake and Trey resolve to review all three matches by basically reviewing none of them and talking about how to pronounce Héber’s name until a solvent offensive strategy finally materializes. Talk about Maxi, the missing Keaton sparks, Ofori’s O-Phoenix-esque sophomore year, and some other stuff. Then: talking points and a Montreal precap. Squeeze those knees and don’t say please: you’ve got Blue Balls.

April 19, 2019 11:16 AM PDT

Happy Easter and a Solemn & Reflectful Passover, Blue Ballers, and welcome to a true blitz week of NYCFC. Trey and Jake have a diner dash mini ep for you today recorded at neighborhood watering hole DADDY-O - where we broke down Minnesota, Shradi, Maxi’s return and the ongoing Dome Outroversy. Then Trey pontificates about champions league and Jake says some totally uninformed bullshit about soccer journalism. Plus a three-game precap for the long week ahead. Lace up your shoes right - you’ve got Blue Balls.

April 11, 2019 05:51 PM PDT

Venmo Vidi Vici, blue ballers and welcome to another week. Jake and Trey are back on mic, hoping against hope that a podcast bye-week would be just the thing to solve NYCFC’s maple woes. It was not. Recaps of Montreal and briefly Toronto, a series of full breakdowns, both mental and coaching, and a scary thought: what does it take to kill NYCFC? Then: grim prognostications for Grimnesota United. Don’t tuck and run - you’ve got Blue Balls.

March 27, 2019 01:59 PM PDT

Aloha BBers, and welcome to a bye week sigh week edition of Blue Balls. Recap of the LAFC game yields mixed results, with just as much to grin about as gripe about - including, but not limited to, a sweet Treat of a goal to open Mitrita’s account for NYCFC.

Then: Jake and Trey start to get bullish on Heber and talk the various analyses of the newly-signed Brazilian the FO seems hype to plug into the offense. Plus, the Yankees president tickles our Blue Balls with some stadium talk, and finally a precap summation of a Toronto match decimated by callups. Tell your friends and loved ones to stay out of your way - you’ve got Blue Balls.

March 15, 2019 10:33 AM PDT

Bing bong, doors closing on this week’s episode of Blue Balls! Jake and Trey are back on their Sean John Jane, breaking down either a hard-won clean-sheet draw or a total fucking one-point catastrophe, depending on who you ask. We examine the empty offense and talk about the experiments Dome might bring to bear in the coming weeks. We precap! We recap! We DE-cap! Truly what more could you ask for. Plus: the USWNT sues US Soccer, and Claudio Reyna tickles the Blue Balls with a repurposing of the same old stale ass stadium talk we’ve heard. Stretch before you plug in - you’ve got Blue Balls.

March 06, 2019 06:42 AM PST

Shake and bake, blue ballers. We’re back with the only extant nycfc podcast, breaking down the Pigeons’ sputtering start to their historic inaugural 5th season. Jake and Trey talk first outings for Treats & Keats, as well as the emergence of Ofori as a potential key 2019 factor and the arrival of a Jon Lewis who may even, can you believe it, get actual meaningful minutes on the field this season. But the tinkering is far from over and our two intrepid cohorsts do everything they can to get into the dome of Domé.

Then: nazis and she believes, Garber and Ellis, and some light shitposting. Plus a lump-in-the-throat preview of DC’s upcoming visit to Yankee Stadium. Lock the bathroom door behind you — you’ve got Blue Balls.

February 28, 2019 04:24 PM PST

Welcome, blue-balls-to-the-wallers, to the SEASON FIVE PREMIERE that nobody saw coming. That's right, despite all odds and massive popular resistance, Blue Balls is back for another barely-professional flirtation with serious soccer journalism in the guise of dick jokes. Jake and Trey kick the season off, as they always do, with a hard-hitting round of OVER/UNDER. Follow along with your own over/under stats sheet this season and tweet us your results at the end to win absolutely nothing.

PLUS: in-depth analysis of the bearish predictions market for NYCFC's fifth season on the field, a breakdown of offseason action and acquisitions, and some senseless starting eleven chatter. Your blue ballers for life will be with you every step of the way this Season Five - starting NOW. Don't stand up too fast: you've got Blue Balls.

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