Blue Balls NYCFC

Episode 1: S12E1: I Galax-see'd It But I Don't Believe It

Blue Balls NYCFC — Wed, 25 Feb 2026 14:58:55 +0000

Shorter blurbs this year, Blue Ballers. Yer mans talk experiments, prayer circles and horseshoes, winning wing winks, penalties and punishments, PRO posture, messi mishigas, and of course, phinish with a Philly precap. Bundle up, blizzardinos: you've got Blue Balls.

Episode 37: S11.5E4: Four Leaf ClOVERs UNDERfoot

Blue Balls NYCFC — Thu, 19 Feb 2026 02:23:21 +0000

Did you miss us, Blue Ballers? Of course not — you never had the chance to! Watch Club is over and Jake & Trey are laser-focused on the footy, so all you fairweather listeners can come out of the woodwork. And bring your golf pencils and moleskines with you, because our time-honored tradition returns. That's right, it's the OVER/UNDER season precap! Jake & Trey set lines and meld minds as we try to reason out what the fuck Pascal's Phalanx will bring us this year. We chat Nico, Magno, Maxi, Freese, KPs, World C's, and so much more. AND: What did Trey Really think of Sinners? Plus: a cheeky little precap of a LA Galaxy trying desperately to round the corner. It's only a few days after valentine's, and look at you: you've got Blue Balls.

Episode 36: S11.5E3: Watch Club 3 - Now This Is Pod: Racing!

Blue Balls NYCFC — Fri, 13 Feb 2026 13:52:52 +0000

Ahoyhoy Blue Ballers, another episode here where the boys in blue are inching closer to the real stuff. Jake and Trey break down the two NYCFC preseason friendlies for the first televised soccer of the year. Then, a circling back (yes, again) to the Moussa Sylla failed transfer saga and where the club goes from here. Plus: The armchair analyst is back to the armchair, and the new kit for 2026. Finally, for the last installment of Watch Club 2026 Preseason Edition - F1! Brad Pitt! Tropes! More Tropes! Vroom Vroom! Put on those hard tires, you've got Blue Balls.

Episode 35: S11.5E2: Watch Club 2 - Getting Sylla With It

Blue Balls NYCFC — Tue, 03 Feb 2026 02:54:45 +0000

Jake and Trey are back at the tail end of silly season, talking practical signings and practical kung fu! Your boys in blue talk australian imports, strikers not striking (we recorded before the Sylla deal fell through but we handled it sweeties no worries), and the apparent MagnoNandez Do-Si-Do. PLUS: football! The other kind! AND: as promised, Jake & Trey move one country east to review Steven Chow's international cartoon-fu proof of concept SHAOLIN SOCCER. Take a deep breath and seek inner peace: you've got Blue Balls!

Episode 34: S11.5E1: Watch Club 1 - Hostile Resellers & Roster Unsellables

Blue Balls NYCFC — Thu, 15 Jan 2026 20:38:42 +0000

It's the off-season and we promised you we'd get up to some shenanigans; Jake and Trey break down every sizzling inch of the hot stove and the NYCFCeefsteaks being seared on it! We talk merging Magno, a homegrown unceremoniously Haaked off, the baby Blues leaving and the baby Blues returning, and much more. THEN: Jake and Trey watch their LEDs turn red and their easy money get harder as they review and discuss Kiyoshi Kurosawa's 2024 psychological shooter "Cloud". Watch the movie on the Criterion Channel before listening to double your pleasure, double your fun! Put down that limited edition idol figurine — you've got Blue Balls!

Episode 33: S11E32: PART 2 - GrOVER Cleveland UNDERperformed electorally

Blue Balls NYCFC — Wed, 17 Dec 2025 15:17:11 +0000

It's over/under time, the MOST wonderful time of the year! Break out your scorecards and work through the season with us. Where did we go wrong? Where did we go right? And where did we go home? But before that, Jake & Trey have more to say about sporting directors, signed and unsigned contracts, and the future of New York City FC. Plus a fond farewell from the most fun season in years. Thank you to everyone who listens and double-thanks if you ever wrote a review or dropped a dollar in the tip jar. We'll see you in 2026! *Blue Balled Acquaintance Be Forgot...*

Episode 32: S11E32: PART 1 - Two Worlds, One Cup

Blue Balls NYCFC — Mon, 15 Dec 2025 14:13:29 +0000

It's the season wrap-up, Blue Ballers! Jake & Trey review the eastern conference final flame-out against MLS' Miami monster before they similarly routed a top-shelf Vancouver to take the cup. But there's plenty else to talk about: World Cup draws and World Cup prices, broadcast rights and wrongs, and MLS joining the big kids table with a fall-to-spring schedule. And coming soon in part 2: Santa's on his sleigh with a big fat bag of Over Unders! Maybe put the butt flap in front: you've got Blue Balls!

Episode 31: S11E31: DOOP, There It Isn't!

Blue Balls NYCFC — Wed, 26 Nov 2025 21:58:28 +0000

Folks, we didn't think we'd be here. But you know what they say: when men make plans, Maxi Moralez laughs. A 1-0 victory over supporters' shield superstars Philly Union has given NYCFC the keys to the eastern conference finals, and your boys in blue are breaking it all down for you. We talk why the squad's goal was #squadgoals, the magnificent Maxi, False Nine Nico, transition positions, Jansen's triumphant triage, and more. Plus a check-in with league winners Gotham FC and a precap of the Messi we have yet to clean up. Careful around that gravy — you've got Blue Balls.

Episode 30: S11E30: Tada! Nada for Zaha! Haha!

Blue Balls NYCFC — Wed, 12 Nov 2025 14:13:35 +0000

It took yer boys three goals, too many yellow cards, and one fallen soldier, but NYCFC is back in the eastern semifinals!! A white-knuckled ending to the Charlotte chronicle leaves NYCFC on top with a 3-1 victory. We chat Nico's wondergoals, performative Haaktivism, the Armchair Ignorance of Tayvon Gray, and the devastating consequences of Charlotte's concrete turf for perennial NYCFC protagonist Perea. Plus: Gotham FC's stunning upset and some potentially pessimistic predictions for Philadelphia. Eat your heart out, eastern conference: you've got Blue Balls!

Episode 29: S11E29: Juli-Off Target

Blue Balls NYCFC — Wed, 05 Nov 2025 03:47:03 +0000

Pour something to take the edge off, Blue Ballers; NYCFC's going to a third match. Jake & Trey pass the time waiting for the polls to close by recapping a frequently frustrating bout against visitors Charlotte that ended in a heartbreaking penalty shootout which broke for the away team. We talk Tayvon's Gray-test performance, load-bearing O'Neills, the gaffer's strategic struggles, and Julian's juiffed chance. Plus: a precap of what happens next and a touching eulogy for national hero and friendly fire enthusiast Richard "Dicked Down" Cheney. Careful where you point that thing - you've got Blue Balls.

Episode 28: S11E28: Alonso's Charlotte's Web - "Some Goal"

Blue Balls NYCFC — Wed, 29 Oct 2025 14:05:28 +0000

Oh Baby, Blue Ballers, it is playoff time, and boy is it ever. Jake and Trey talk the whole shebang right after the big playoff road win - Alonzo's wonder goal, Freese's tidy night, Pascal's surprising choices, and how the boys held it down. Then, a quick precap of a Zaha return to the bronx and what else might change for the pigeons in flight. Strap in jiggle the harness, you've got Blue Balls.

Episode 27: S11E27: NYC in 2, Electric Bugaboo

Blue Balls NYCFC — Sat, 25 Oct 2025 18:50:25 +0000

Blue Ballers, it's October and the pigeons are still flying. Pascal Jansen's first season ends with an ignominious 1-2 defeat against Seattle, but NYCFC still in the 5-seed and facing perennial thorns-in-our-ass Charlotte FC over 3 matches. Jake & Trey talk Seattle's red flags and blue balls, punchy postmatch patter, AI-nxiety, Trey's 2025 ballot (not that one), and of course a playoffs precap. Jays fans will have to wait — you've got Blue Balls.

Episode 26: S11E26: Parting Is Such Lee-t Sorrow

Blue Balls NYCFC — Wed, 08 Oct 2025 13:56:57 +0000

Blue ballers, the season is winding down but we're WOUND UP! Jake and Trey sit down to take some end of season lessons from the Philly phumble. Then: we talk about it and literally nothing else. David Lee, one of the true NYCFC originals, is leaving for greener pastures. What can we say about him? No, actually, what can we say? C-Lee-chet as it is, we must call it the end of an era. So take your yearbooks off your laps — you've got Blue Balls!

Episode 25: S11E25: Chiroprac-tical Adjustment

Blue Balls NYCFC — Tue, 30 Sep 2025 04:03:12 +0000

Blue ballers, you sound crazy. 0-4 loss? What Miami game? Your boys in blue are here to talk about a ROUTING in the Hudson River Rivalry which saw the New Jersey Red Bulls all but btfo of playoff contention with a 2-3 loss against the Pigeons. Jake and Trey are giddy to tap the spine of this team and examine just what turned a blowout into a blitz this week. We talk Martins mistakes and massive moments, Freese's fogs, Messi's magic, Nico's notes of nuance, Perea's parabolic arcs, and so much more. PLUS: Racial epithets? In supporter's sections? and the Mets crash out in spectacular fashion to give us a clearer run at the cup. AND: a quick n' dirty precap of Philadelphia. Time for that eleventh-inning stretch: you've got Blue Balls.

Episode 24: S11E24: Jansy v. Nancy, Zaha No Chancey

Blue Balls NYCFC — Tue, 23 Sep 2025 03:59:49 +0000

Your boys in blue are in fabulous spirits. Not only are we six points up from last time against conference titans Charlotte and Columbus, but the homie Jake returns triumphantly. We talk titillating tactics, the conditioning secrets of those beefy Dutch boys, Fernandez and Freese’s fabulous feats, and more. PLUS: Matty’s contract and Braddy’s hard tacks. AND: a messi little precap of Miami and Mahwah’s own. Don’t get the last bus seat at Port Authority — you’ve got Blue Balls.

Episode 23: S11E23: Pascal's Big BBL (w/ John Baney)

Blue Balls NYCFC — Mon, 15 Sep 2025 13:22:00 +0000

Ahoy Blue Ballers and welcome back to yet another Blue Balls Bonanza in the most wonderful (and stressful) time of the year. Trey is yet again Jake-less but not John-less as John Baney of Hudson River Blue joins the pod again to breakdown the huge Chi-town 3-1 win. The guys talk the big comeback, Nico's unique role, how Gustavo fits in, and the goalfest. Then, Alonso Mart-DP-nez? And how does this team continue the hell stretch at home against two tough challenges? Get those plane tickets for a new Brazilian Back Line, you've got Blue Balls.

Episode 22: S11E22: You Win Some, You Lonesome

Blue Balls NYCFC — Thu, 11 Sep 2025 14:26:18 +0000

Zut alors Blue Ballers, Blue Balls is back - or shall we say "Blue Ball" as Trey went solo dolo on this one to get you a quick episode before NYCFC head into the wild and wacky home stretch of the season. Trey talks a surprising DC United upset that stopped the boys in blue's momentum in its tracks, and why this team can't beat bad teams - does anyone know? Then, a recap of a convo with Huicho Barraza, some USMNT talk, and can New York play Greggcelently over the Chicago "Spider Man Meme" Fire this weekend? Hide the gravy and cheese curds, you've got Blue Balls.

Episode 21: S11E21: NYCFC Is Good At Soccer(?)

Blue Balls NYCFC — Wed, 27 Aug 2025 13:23:46 +0000

Three points against Cincy have your boys in blue BUZZING to, once again, fall for it! Is NYCFC good now? Did the summer transfer window go well, actually? Are our acquisitions firing on all cylinders? Is Jansen a shoe-in for coach of the year? Will we throw it all away this weekend to drop points to worst-in-the-league DC again? Better finish drafting that gerrymandering legislation... you've got Blue Balls!

Episode 20: S11E20: Haaktual Value

Blue Balls NYCFC — Thu, 21 Aug 2025 20:59:30 +0000

We've got friends in low places, and Nashville is one of them following a 2-1 victory here at Yankee Stadium in Curtis Sliwa's own Boogie-Down Bronx. How did the ragtag bunch of misfits on NYCFC pull it off? Jake & Trey break down the specifics for you including the miserably missing Martins, new toy Nico shoring up the back and making nonzero contributions in the front, and our enduring faith in the goalscoring of El Clinico, Alonso Martinez himself. Plus: some behind the scenes Haakchat and a Son-ny day begins in Jake's new SoCal locale. Take a dip in the mighty Pacific — you've got Blue Balls.

Episode 19: S11E19: Nico to Tico -> Hat Tricko

Blue Balls NYCFC — Thu, 31 Jul 2025 13:01:24 +0000

Another week of whiplash in Blue Ball City as Jake & Trey break down the 4-3 victory over Dallas, followed by the ignominious goalless loss against Puebla just a few days later. We chat Nico Fernandez' immediate impact, a pockmarked and panic-inducing back line, el Clinico's return to working service, and much more. Plus: surgery after surgery, and Gray's anatomy is no solution. And: a spicy little precap on a Leagues Cup group stage that seems over before it began. Leave those Sour Swimmers at Trader Joe's — you've got Blue Balls.

Episode 18: S11E18: Mad Maxi 2: The Road Warriors

Blue Balls NYCFC — Tue, 22 Jul 2025 13:17:51 +0000

Three matches, four points, two dudes, one pod — do the math, Blue Balls Nation! Jake and Trey dig into the first three chapters of our summer road odyssey. We talk Maxi's minimal contributions, young guns, lament the missing birds and wolves, Perea winging it, and so much more. Plus: the stove has gone from cold to sizzling with arrivals and departures galore. And: a quick n' dirty Dallas precap to pre-cap it all off. If you have to write a letter, try not to add a sketch — you've got Blue Balls.

Episode 17: S11E17: New Fernandez, Who Dis

Blue Balls NYCFC — Tue, 08 Jul 2025 14:02:44 +0000

Three points at home against Toronto put the wind at NYCFC's back staring at a challenging set of away games — but will they be able to handle it? And who's this mysterious stranger with a $10 million pricetag around his neck? Jake & Trey break down our domination of the Ontar-rible Toronto FC, talk Maxi woes and upcoming solutions, thick midfields and missing Martinezes. THEN: the gold cup finale and looking forward anxiously to World Cup 2026. AND: a Big Bird is paying you a visit (not the one you're thinking of)! PLUS: a little rapid-fire precap of Charlotte FC and the games beyond. Put that AC on Power Saver. you've got Blue Balls.

Episode 16: S11E16: The French Disconnection

Blue Balls NYCFC — Tue, 01 Jul 2025 12:27:30 +0000

A grim 0-1 loss to worst-in-the-east Montreal has Jake and Trey feeling weary. We gripe, groan, and grasp at straws to understand what has this team, in the words of one prophetic coach, "showing up late to the party." We touch the Third moRailez and talk about aging playmakers and the frustrating gaps left in their wake. And then? We talk about the good stuff. The Freeze-Teens Golden Showdown. The crusading USMNT. The issuance of receipts to the haters. PLUS: a sloppy little precap of Canada Part Two: Canada Returns. Check your pockets before you cross the border — you've got Blue Balls.

Episode 15: S11E15: Draggin' Balls: The Freese-a Saga

Blue Balls NYCFC — Thu, 26 Jun 2025 12:16:12 +0000

It's been a long lonely time, but we're back to give you exactly what you've been clamoring for: jetlagged europilled blue boys yapping about whatever. There's some soccer in there, we promise. Jake & Trey hit the Atlanta and Nashville games, Hannes Wolf's productive and suddenly resilient body, water strategies of the great Mediterranean states, Matt Freese's ascension and the haters who don't have anything better to do, the confusing, corrupt, and yes, decently cool Club World Cup, the dolla dolla bills y'all, and whatever else managed to slip in there. Plus: the shortest ever precap from a craptacular CF Montreal. Delete your meme trove if you're queued in line: you've got Blue Balls.

Episode 14: S11E14: Elbow Smackaroni & Threes

Blue Balls NYCFC — Tue, 27 May 2025 15:44:55 +0000

Good morning, good afternoon, good night and good luck Blue Ballers — following a massive 3-1 victory over Gregg Berhalter's visiting Chicago Fire, your Boys in Blue are starting to feel optimistic about the season again. And with NYCFC sitting at 6th in the east, we've got good reason! We cover a punchy yet pinioned Chicago, goals and goal support from Bakrar, Wolf, and Martinez, the solidity developing in the front AND the back (don't ask about the crack), and the beginning of what might be a run of lineup consistency in Pascal Jansen's NYCFC. PLUS: Gold Cup gripes, hot takes on the halfway point, and best cocktails on mediterranean beaches. Make sure to check the conversion rate: you've got Blue Balls!

Episode 13: S11E13: Queens of the Own-age

Blue Balls NYCFC — Wed, 21 May 2025 13:34:01 +0000

Boys, we're eating good tonight. For the first time in weeks, your boys in blue are relishing the recap. Jake & Trey talk the drought-breaking Martinez screamer, Maxi's looney tunes takedown off a GK error for the brace, O'Neil blowing his outback back out on clearances and man-marks, the Martins defender logs into the chat yet again, and much more. PLUS: a little waxing poetic on the state of New York Sports and an insider view on the trials and tribulations of NYCFC fan media. AND: a tidy little precap of Chicago to send you on your way. It might be time to change the Brita filter: you've got Blue Balls.

Episode 12: S11E12: Bo-Rough Night

Blue Balls NYCFC — Tue, 13 May 2025 13:46:09 +0000

It's a barely-there morning episode to cover the barely-there Blues who dropped 3 league points and crashed out of the Open Cup this weekend. Miseries abound as we do our weekly David Lee grousing, but also evaluate first minutes for the awesome aussie Aidan O'Neill, talk about the mess caused by the Feet of Keat, final third piss-poor passing, and the overall flaccidity of our favorite boys in blue. Also, we talk about basketball. THEN: what does the money mean? Jake and Trey talk soccer side valuations. Hold onto your butts. AND FINALLY: a precap of our black-n-red Acela Antagonists DC United and Red Bull New Jersey. Wipe yourself off and get the fuck back up — you've got Blue Balls.

Episode 11: S11E11: Juli-Han Shot First

Blue Balls NYCFC — Tue, 06 May 2025 13:09:07 +0000

Three points against the FCC have Jake and Trey feeling like digital pirates! We're cruising down your broadband streams with a total recap of 90 minutes of play that were wetter than Ben Shapiro thinks is biologically possible, including Julian's early gamewinner, Alonso's crossbar crisis, Matt Freese's treats & tricks, tackling the tilt, and much much more. PLUS: a little NBA sidebar as the Knicks clinch game 1 against Boston, a salute to the Tin Man on the occasion of his retirement, and a panicked precap of the Pittsburgh Riverhounds open cup match and the Montreal battle that follows it. If you thought they smelled bad on the outside: you've got Blue Balls!

Episode 10: S11E10: He Comes From A Land Down Under

Blue Balls NYCFC — Thu, 01 May 2025 01:41:31 +0000

With three points from across the border, NYCFC keeps finding just enough to live. Your boys in blue break down the election-weekend win in Canada, including a faceoff with club legend Sean Johnson, penalty provocations, back line legends, our May-December midfield, and much much more. Plus: it’s official, Aiden O’Neill busts our Aussie cherry. And: a treatise on Soccer and the Global Economy. Finally: a precap of Cincy vs the City. Don’t blow too hard on that didgeridoo — you’ve got Blue Balls.

Episode 9: S11E9: Gil, a Monster

Blue Balls NYCFC — Tue, 22 Apr 2025 18:11:47 +0000

Grim times at the Blue Balls HQ this week as Jake & Trey break down the 0-2 loss against New England's bottom-scraping Revolution. Morale is at an all time low, even as Moralez minutes are at an all-time high! We talk the return of Tayvon, a truly senseless Starting XI, the toothlessness of the attack, and log into the chat as Thiago Martins defenders. PLUS: royal-watching the meme-queens on r/mls, a little pope-scoping, and some David Lee prognostications as the transfer window draws to a close. AND: a quick n' dirty Toronto precap. Wallahi, better prep for this weekend — mans got Blue Balls.

Episode 8: S11E8: Loss Baribo, More Like

Blue Balls NYCFC — Wed, 16 Apr 2025 20:30:59 +0000

We're wringing out our souvenir hats and wiping our shoes on the 7 train as we recap some GOOD news at long last. A 1-0 win against Philadelphia had a redeeming effect on NYCFC's morale and your boys in blue are here to predict whether the weather will stay or pass. We map the midfield action from the Parks to the Shore, Martinez's massive mid-speed shot after Mitja's missile, and the defensive discipline that allowed it to all come together. Plus: we steal talking points from our other favorite publications and do a halfhearted precap of the very same New England Revs we faced just a few weeks ago. Change into some dry socks — you've got Blue Balls.

Episode 7: S11E7: OluwaSey It Ain't So

Blue Balls NYCFC — Wed, 09 Apr 2025 00:37:03 +0000

Your sleepy boys in blue shake the sand out of their eyes and talk Sunday afternoon's grim little outing against a visiting Minnesota. A 2-1 loss humbled our Boys in Blue and Jake & Trey will break it all down for you, including the a-Limits of Alonso, the cut-inside revival developing in the offense, the virtues and vices of 40th-minute subs, and the bright spots in an otherwise bleak April outing. PLUS: hot stove on Kevin De Bruyne, other roster chats, USWNT recaps, and a laser focus on Philadelphia as our 24 hour mourning period comes to a close. Zip off those cargo pant legs — you've got Blue Balls.

Episode 6: S11E6: Old Habits Deila Hard

Blue Balls NYCFC — Wed, 02 Apr 2025 13:30:47 +0000

It certainly was a game that happened, Blue Ballers. Jake and Trey take their reluctant seats to try and figure out what the fuck happened in the 3-4 loss to Atlanta’s Five Stripes that looked, for all intents and purposes, like a 3-1 victory was imminent. We talk direct action in the first 45, turning point moments, fault analysis, cool heads and hotheads, and wonder where we go from here. Then: some check-ins on other leagues and other sports to get the taste out of our mouths. Plus: a recap for Sunday evening dinner. Will we have roast Loon on the plate, or will we get iced by Minnesota nice? Start ironing the crotch on your Sunday finest — you’ve got Blue Balls.

Episode 5: S11E5: Teens go Skibidi in Ohio

Blue Balls NYCFC — Wed, 26 Mar 2025 04:28:51 +0000

Your boys in blue are back to break down a toothless away match against Columbus. We talk teenage wastelands, Freese finesse, Wolf woes, Bakrar PTSD, and much more. Plus, the griping continues with a less-than-inspiring performance from the supposedly ascendant USMNT in the Concacaf Nations, and Malachi Jones continues his slow mend. And: a cheekly precap of an Atlanta United determined to prove their best days aren't behind them. Don't let your behind best you — you've got Blue Balls.

Episode 6: S9E6: Five Butthole Stadium (feat. Dan Avidan!)

Blue Balls NYCFC — Wed, 19 Apr 2023 20:03:45 +0000

Your boys in blue have a treat for you this week — Jake and Trey are joined by the illustrious DAN AVIDAN (Game Grumps, Ninja Sex Party) who flexes his bonafides as an OG fan of NYNJ soccer and a stalwart NYCFC supporter from season one. Your starstruck hosts cannot help but get into full-on interview mode with Dan, but worry not: the threesome also merrily recap the triumphant 2-1 win over Nashville, hit the Talking Points, and chat anticipated changes in Dallas. Put on your loosest tuxedo pants - you’ve got very special Blue Balls.